There was a recent article in New York Magazine titled, “I love my children. I hate my life.” Jennifer Senior reports that parents are less happy than their peers that do not tend to small humans. This monumental discovery led Amy Graff, blogger of The Mommy Files for SFGate, to write her own spin on the topic, offering simple tips to becoming a happier parent. They are fairly good tips, such as talking about something besides kids with your friends, and having more sex (although it doesn’t mention birth control because, hey, sex can lead to MORE babies unless you believe in immaculate conception).
I’m not suggesting that a problem does not exist—there are plenty of unhappy people out there, and many of them happen to be parents—I just think many people are taking their eye off the prize. Offspring means that someone is going to love you unconditionally for your entire life (even if they hate you for grounding them in high school), and you’ll need someone to take the keys away or dismantle the car engine when you become too old to drive. A child can save your life.
So I’m using my mommy wisdom (all TWO years of it) and offering my own tips to being a happier parent. Yes, I love lists.
1. Don’t be an asshole.
2. Everyone says that parenting is hard because it is. Don’t be surprised when you find out for yourself. You have not been tricked.
3. If you want to go out every night or roll out of bed and run out the door to a brunch date, don’t have children.
4. Date nights are a good idea. Think of it like cleaning house (not literally). It’s an hour or two to clear your mind of the screaming and you can start fresh. With a hangover. And you might get lucky.
5. Don’t be an asshole. Did I mention that one already? Well, it’s important. Everyone has his or her moments. I certainly do. But parents that are assholes usually end up with kids that are assholes.
I’m not suggesting that a problem does not exist—there are plenty of unhappy people out there, and many of them happen to be parents—I just think many people are taking their eye off the prize. Offspring means that someone is going to love you unconditionally for your entire life (even if they hate you for grounding them in high school), and you’ll need someone to take the keys away or dismantle the car engine when you become too old to drive. A child can save your life.
So I’m using my mommy wisdom (all TWO years of it) and offering my own tips to being a happier parent. Yes, I love lists.
1. Don’t be an asshole.
2. Everyone says that parenting is hard because it is. Don’t be surprised when you find out for yourself. You have not been tricked.
3. If you want to go out every night or roll out of bed and run out the door to a brunch date, don’t have children.
4. Date nights are a good idea. Think of it like cleaning house (not literally). It’s an hour or two to clear your mind of the screaming and you can start fresh. With a hangover. And you might get lucky.
5. Don’t be an asshole. Did I mention that one already? Well, it’s important. Everyone has his or her moments. I certainly do. But parents that are assholes usually end up with kids that are assholes.
The moral to this story is that you really can’t learn to be happy from reading about it in a book or magazine or on a blog. So I’m going to go back to being my cynically happy self and tend to the daughter that is screaming for my attention. I love it when she does that.
Are you a happy parent?
If you want a more eloquent response to the New York Magazine article, visit Mama Sarahndipity. Yeah, what she said.
This is too funny, I just came from reading this: http://fortyfivedegrees.blogspot.com/2010/07/i-love-my-kid-i-love-my-life.html another post about the same article. I'm all worked up already ;) I think your points are so true. And love, especially, don't be an asshole. Because it's true. Are we really so selfish that we blame our happiness/unhappiness on our children and we can't take responsibility for anything? Yikes....
And I'd like to think I'm a happy parent :)
Posted by: Corinne | 07/16/2010 at 02:27 PM
Ack! I'm afraid I just might be an asshole! I pulled my daughter's hair in front of, oh, about 10 people as we were trying make our way through a gate to the pool. She was sassy to me and I just lost it.
Maybe I need a date night?
Posted by: Cheryl | 07/16/2010 at 03:04 PM
I love the "parenting is hard" part. hehe Most people do act as if this is shocking news. I also like the "don't be an asshole" part. That is actually tough from time to time, but as a rule, I do shoot for nonassholishness.
Posted by: WTH am I Doing | 07/16/2010 at 03:58 PM
Oh, that article really got under my skin, too. I just wrote about it this week. I think boiling it down to not being an asshole is perfect. Perfect. We could fix a lot of things that way!
Posted by: Missy | 07/17/2010 at 07:25 AM
That's so weird - I would think parents would be happier on average than the general populace: feelings of fulfillment and whatnot. And Mommy tries not to be an asshole so that I won't be one!
Stopping by from SITS Saturday!
Posted by: Cole | 07/17/2010 at 07:25 AM
I LOVE this! What I really wanted to say on my blog was "don't be an asshole," but I wasn't ballsy enough! Thanks for the link & thanks for introducing me to your blog!
Posted by: sarah | 07/17/2010 at 08:14 AM
I love the list. This should be required reading BEFORE getting pregnant...to make sure you really want to do it.
Posted by: Naked Girl in a Dress | 08/04/2010 at 05:50 AM
Well I can be an asshole and when I am, it's usually because my kids deserve it.
They should give out this list to teenagers. It might be good contraception.
Posted by: Sandra | 08/05/2010 at 01:36 PM
I am a happy parent. 100%. Yeah- kids can be a handful. It's work and sometimes? You want a break. But mostly- I love it. I love myself & my husband and our life- which I think also has much to do with my happiness as a parent.
Posted by: Emily | 08/06/2010 at 12:04 AM