Bucket-headed babies are adorable. I watch them and I laugh and snort, and they make me think that I might need to stab someone in the eye with a fork to protect them from harm. You there: Stupid boy #1, whoever you are, beware of my wrath.
There’s going to be a lot of wrath in the future.
But there is only so much crazy to go around, and I have decided that two babies are enough for me. Officially.
It’s odd to think that I won’t have to think about trying, or not trying to have a baby again. So many years were spent trying not to have a baby. That’s all that the OBGYN talked about during annual visits: prevention. And then one day, I got a raised eyebrow, and she asked, “You’re how old?”
I had just turned 30.
Apparently that’s like saying that I should be open for business.
She said [and I quote], “Well, it’s never too early to start taking prenatal vitamins, because you should really think about having babies before the age of 35.”
What the fuck, Doctor Vagina?
I suppose I could say that I took her advice. But we weren’t thinking about babies the first time. How to get my wedding dress off so we could have sex was at the top of the list. I had those teeny tiny buttons all the way down the back. Khary said his fingers were too big, and I couldn’t wiggle my way out. The solution: a fork.
I can tell the girls that they are examples of why they need to use protection because we are fertile. Very fertile.
And then the not trying began again. Because to have three babies in three years would send me over the edge, and the doctor (another doctor, not Doctor Vagina) told me that I really needed to wait after the trauma of Aja’s birth.
For a while we kept the possibility open. I always thought it would be great to have a big family and so I didn’t want to close that door. But reality says that babies cost a lot, and we don’t know why Aja was premature so there’s a likelihood of not being able to carry another baby to term, and then there’s all that crying.
My head hurts just thinking about the three-headed monster crying, crying, crying.