I stumbled across a list the other day: 10 ways to know you are being a good father. My reaction to this list: no shit. Number One, when you help your kids with their schoolwork. Number Five, when you just enjoy being with your children and them with you. Now this list is not aimed at absent fathers, who perhaps need a more detailed list of Do’s and Don’ts. It is clearly directed towards the husbands of the world. Whether the husbands amongst us need such a list can be debated elsewhere, but you would never see an accompanying list for wives and mothers. So, I created my own.
Five ways you can be a good mother
1. When your daughter tells you to go away, choose not to turn around and leave the house as tempting as it might be.
2. When the baby starts crying at night, put down your second glass of wine. But if Nana is there, sit back and take another sip.
3. When you fill the car with all the necessities for a calm ride from point A to point B (Sippy Cup, pacifier, snacks, blanket, toys) and then have them all thrown aside, drown out the crying with loud music.
4. Take the dust bunnies out of the baby’s mouth. Erma Bombeck may have suggested that they make good toys, but don’t be that cheap.
5. Remember that someone else could be doing a better job, but you don’t know them, so the shit load of diapers are yours to clean up.
So maybe I should keep my list to myself. Basically, I think getting parenting advice from a top ten list is pretty stupid. Can you really sum up motherhood in a list? But maybe the fact that I can’t come up with a legitimate list means that I need a list to help me out. Or I just need more coffee. Or the baby needs to stop crying.
I’m feeling a bit snarky because I’m still riled up over the LOST finale. BABIES died on that island and I want to know WHY. There are many other questions I have but that’s my Mama question. My Writer question is this: why the hell would you put so much back story into babies and dharma, and then ignore them in the end? I’m not saying that I want a neat and tidy bow. I actually think the ending they came up with was a neat and tidy bow, and I want to untie it and strangle them with it.
And now I just saw a preview of today’s Oprah. Julia Roberts is on and Oprah asks her if she carpools and has playdates. Now don’t you think she’ll say yes even if it’s untrue? What the hell is she supposed to say, “No, I let my nanny do that?” When she says yes, am I supposed to feel as though we are one and the same? I don’t think so. Julia Roberts is no Michele Brown. Hardy har har.
If you’re interested in reading the whole list mentioned above, visit www.allprodad.com
Five ways you can be a good mother
1. When your daughter tells you to go away, choose not to turn around and leave the house as tempting as it might be.
2. When the baby starts crying at night, put down your second glass of wine. But if Nana is there, sit back and take another sip.
3. When you fill the car with all the necessities for a calm ride from point A to point B (Sippy Cup, pacifier, snacks, blanket, toys) and then have them all thrown aside, drown out the crying with loud music.
4. Take the dust bunnies out of the baby’s mouth. Erma Bombeck may have suggested that they make good toys, but don’t be that cheap.
5. Remember that someone else could be doing a better job, but you don’t know them, so the shit load of diapers are yours to clean up.
So maybe I should keep my list to myself. Basically, I think getting parenting advice from a top ten list is pretty stupid. Can you really sum up motherhood in a list? But maybe the fact that I can’t come up with a legitimate list means that I need a list to help me out. Or I just need more coffee. Or the baby needs to stop crying.
I’m feeling a bit snarky because I’m still riled up over the LOST finale. BABIES died on that island and I want to know WHY. There are many other questions I have but that’s my Mama question. My Writer question is this: why the hell would you put so much back story into babies and dharma, and then ignore them in the end? I’m not saying that I want a neat and tidy bow. I actually think the ending they came up with was a neat and tidy bow, and I want to untie it and strangle them with it.
And now I just saw a preview of today’s Oprah. Julia Roberts is on and Oprah asks her if she carpools and has playdates. Now don’t you think she’ll say yes even if it’s untrue? What the hell is she supposed to say, “No, I let my nanny do that?” When she says yes, am I supposed to feel as though we are one and the same? I don’t think so. Julia Roberts is no Michele Brown. Hardy har har.
If you’re interested in reading the whole list mentioned above, visit www.allprodad.com
Those lists always leave me with my head shaking. If you need a list to make you feel better about your parenting, go to town with them... but the rest of us know we're good parents without them.
I didn't see the finale, and haven't watched Lost for a few seasons, but I'm all worked up after just hearing bits and pieces. I need to get caught up, but part of me doesn't want to get that invested again... yikes.
And I don't even know what to say about Julia Roberts and carpooling. Because no matter how much these celebrities want to think they're just one of us, just a mom, they're not, you know?
Posted by: Corinne | 05/24/2010 at 04:24 PM
I like Julia Roberts but PUH-LEASE. Why can't celebrities just be real for once?
Posted by: lucy | 05/24/2010 at 07:12 PM
I am visiting and following you from Meetup Mondays!
You can find me here~
http://debshere.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Deb K | 05/24/2010 at 07:48 PM
Found you on the blogflow. Love your sense of humor! Signed up as a follower.
Posted by: Carol | 05/24/2010 at 08:37 PM
I like you when you're snarky. :) I'm all about #3 on your list, and totally agree on the Julia Roberts playdates thing.
Posted by: liz | 05/25/2010 at 06:57 AM
Sometimes music is the only thing that drowns out the screaming in the car, or maybe an iphone. Following from blog flow - look forward to reading more.
Posted by: Emily | 05/25/2010 at 01:04 PM
You hold one end of the bow and I'll hold the other, we'll criss cross around their necks and pull tight! I am still reeling about the LOST finale, but I don't want to get caught up in any more discussion board posts about it. I have to move on. Or do I ...?
Thanks for following Mungee and Me through blogflow. I'm following you back!
Posted by: Mungee's Ma | 05/25/2010 at 04:53 PM
Oooh I love snarky Michele ;)
Posted by: Erin | 05/25/2010 at 07:30 PM