Dear Aja & Jocelyn,
If there is one thing that I’ve learned from the Internet it’s that good mothers write letters to their babies. So dear daughters, this is the first proof you have that I am lacking. I have not written a letter to you for every month that you were in my womb, nor have I spent time putting pen to paper in your honor after you escaped. I was too busy trying to keep you alive. Trolling the carpet for choking hazards is one of my favorite past times. And cleaning grits and oatmeal out of curly hair.
To make matters worse, I realized that I should have written these letters to each of you, separately. But if the birthday party over the weekend taught us anything, it’s that you, darling Jocelyn, need to learn to share. That roller coaster was not there for you alone. So for that reason, this letter is meant to be shared with your sister. And speaking of birthdays, today is not your birthday. It’s not Aja’s birthday. Today I am writing this letter to honor something else. Flag Day.
Since the last Flag Day, we’ve seen a lot in this house. The diaper rashes alone are worth their own letter. But that letter should really be directed at Pampers (I used to love you but now I think you suck and I hope you are sentenced to ten years taped in your own diapers). The screaming in this house has gone up an octave, the stench of poop is something that only subsides a few times a day, and we are still trying to figure out where Khary’s license ended up. I am convinced that it is either in the television (there’s a slit above where you plug in AV cords) or it is in the heater. Jocelyn, you are a tricky little girl and I’m not sure what this says about your future. Aja, you have spent many hours asleep on the floor, which is something that your father despises, but you refuse to catnap in the bassinet during the day. If it’ll get me a moment’s peace, sleep away. I promise I won’t step on you.
The two weeks of sickness that recently ran its way through this house taught us a lot about parenting. Most important: asking Nana to babysit really eases our pain.
I am still learning the fine art of discipline. Time outs seem to be working, especially when I take my own. But Aja you are still young and not quite mobile, so the next year will be the true test. Right now you two love each other, and I hope that continues. Not that it will matter. You will share a room regardless of how you feel about one another, you will share toys whether you want to or not, and Aja, I’m sorry but the hand-me-downs are going to keep coming.
Which brings me back to Flag Day. We don’t own a flag. I don’t think we’ll buy one any time soon. This doesn’t mean we’re not patriotic. It just means that we’d rather spend our money on wine.
I love you girls with all my heart.
Love,
Mommy
If there is one thing that I’ve learned from the Internet it’s that good mothers write letters to their babies. So dear daughters, this is the first proof you have that I am lacking. I have not written a letter to you for every month that you were in my womb, nor have I spent time putting pen to paper in your honor after you escaped. I was too busy trying to keep you alive. Trolling the carpet for choking hazards is one of my favorite past times. And cleaning grits and oatmeal out of curly hair.
To make matters worse, I realized that I should have written these letters to each of you, separately. But if the birthday party over the weekend taught us anything, it’s that you, darling Jocelyn, need to learn to share. That roller coaster was not there for you alone. So for that reason, this letter is meant to be shared with your sister. And speaking of birthdays, today is not your birthday. It’s not Aja’s birthday. Today I am writing this letter to honor something else. Flag Day.
Since the last Flag Day, we’ve seen a lot in this house. The diaper rashes alone are worth their own letter. But that letter should really be directed at Pampers (I used to love you but now I think you suck and I hope you are sentenced to ten years taped in your own diapers). The screaming in this house has gone up an octave, the stench of poop is something that only subsides a few times a day, and we are still trying to figure out where Khary’s license ended up. I am convinced that it is either in the television (there’s a slit above where you plug in AV cords) or it is in the heater. Jocelyn, you are a tricky little girl and I’m not sure what this says about your future. Aja, you have spent many hours asleep on the floor, which is something that your father despises, but you refuse to catnap in the bassinet during the day. If it’ll get me a moment’s peace, sleep away. I promise I won’t step on you.
The two weeks of sickness that recently ran its way through this house taught us a lot about parenting. Most important: asking Nana to babysit really eases our pain.
I am still learning the fine art of discipline. Time outs seem to be working, especially when I take my own. But Aja you are still young and not quite mobile, so the next year will be the true test. Right now you two love each other, and I hope that continues. Not that it will matter. You will share a room regardless of how you feel about one another, you will share toys whether you want to or not, and Aja, I’m sorry but the hand-me-downs are going to keep coming.
Which brings me back to Flag Day. We don’t own a flag. I don’t think we’ll buy one any time soon. This doesn’t mean we’re not patriotic. It just means that we’d rather spend our money on wine.
I love you girls with all my heart.
Love,
Mommy
Funny, sweet and practical all in one - good job!
The first and last lines:
"If there is one thing that I’ve learned from the Internet it’s that good mothers write letters to their babies."
AND
"This doesn’t mean we’re not patriotic. It just means that we’d rather spend our money on wine."
Were my favorites. Too funny.
Posted by: ShannonL | 06/14/2010 at 11:34 AM
This was awesome. I did write a letter to my son and I think it was the only thing I filled out in this baby book.
I have a similar problem with sippy cups, but there is no slit on out TV that will fit one, maybe I should check the heater. That never dawned on me. Thanks for the tip. ;) He probably threw it in the trash, behind the couch or who knows. I seem to only find them when they can be detected by smell.
Posted by: Dani_Zaz | 06/14/2010 at 11:46 AM
Haha, this is a good one. Definitely the best Flag Day letter I've read yet...
Posted by: Deva | 06/14/2010 at 04:14 PM
I literally laughed out loud, so thank you so much for that. This post was one of my favorites!
Posted by: desiree | 06/15/2010 at 12:19 AM
this made me giggle. =)
happy tornado tuesday.
Posted by: justine | 06/15/2010 at 02:43 PM
I don't think I've ever written a letter to you or your brother...Happy Flag Day, one day late.
love,
Mom
Posted by: Cheryl | 06/15/2010 at 07:52 PM
This is definitely funny!!This doesn’t mean we’re not patriotic. It just means that we’d rather spend our money on wine.
--Love this line, totally agree :)
Posted by: Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life | 06/16/2010 at 08:17 AM
Don't worry, the only letters I've written to my fetus were to beg her to cooperate during an ultrasound, and then when she didn't, I wrote one to tell her she's grounded. I'm going to be an amazing mother.
Posted by: Erin | 06/17/2010 at 07:59 AM
I haven't written any letters to my son...Um, I didn't know I was supposed to?
Stopping by from The Lady Bloggers Society tea party to say hi!
Posted by: samsstuff | 06/19/2010 at 09:12 PM
This is awesome. I also think it is wise to invest in wine instead of flags. ;)
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! I'm following now. :)
Posted by: Kristin @ Ellie-Town | 06/20/2010 at 07:56 AM